Move faster - please!

Almost five months on, I'm a broken-in Londoner. I move like the speed of lighting (even on weekends), I curse, I crave Friday night drinks, my sentences end with questions that require agreement {"It's hot today, isn't it?"}, I'm in love with muffins and my day isn't complete without a hot cuppa Starbucks in my hands while rushing like mad woman to work.

Work has been manic and I've learnt that sales may be the hardest job in the world. It is VERY difficult to convince people to give you their money in a recession. I have also learnt that relationships in sales are quite similar to relationships between you and I. You put your best foot forward, make an offer for proposal and wait for a response. There are three kinds of responses- One: "I do". Two: I'll say I do but I won't mean it and I shall terminate any false hope I built up for a relationship". Three: "Not a chance".

Chance is a small word with lots of meaning like luck, love, the oh-so-powerful hate and fear. This week has been about chances. I had the chance to get VIP seats at X-Factor. I took it and ended up sitting a mere three rows away from Simon Cowell. Then, I had the chance to go to a Bollywood party. I took it and ended up meeting two BBC adored radio tycoons. Not a bad week by far.

Far. Holland's far isn't it? Well not really, but sometimes the distance between two countries only helps in terms of flight ticket expenditure. Distance is distance and I must admit, any time I get a moment away from the madness of London, I feel very, very, very homesick and wonder what the hell I'm doing here away from family and friends.

Friends and lovers are next on the menu. Between getting a job, finding a decent place to live and moving out to a better place closer to work, I haven't had much of a chance to invest in new friendships and dare I say, relationships. It may be time to rechannel my attention!

Two weeks of non-stop early mornings

I was wondering what it would be like to have a scheduled life again. I can stop wondering now. Feel very much sleep deprived, but alive. Feeling productive and strong. Feel positive. Feel like myself again. Ups and downs are as intrinsic to my life as they were last year, but at least I feel more equipped to deal with them now. Challenges and speed bumps? Bring it on!

One Month Old

I'm less than an hour away from turning one. Ok, not me per say, but Naveen in London. This one month has been a very interesting chapter in my life. 2010 started off with a bang - literally - as I huddled together with friends under amazing crackling fireworks to celebrate the end of 2009. The song "it was a very good year" would NOT apply to 2009. Note to all: 2009 was the year of learning lessons and finding myself again.

Last week was very interesting from a work point of view. For perhaps the first time in my life, I was at the right place at the right time. I may become a permanent feature at Asiana (Inshallah and keeping fingers crossed!). I've certainly worked very hard to be here and earned it. I can only hope that fate will stay on my side.

After going back and forth the tubes of London today, I met up with family for dinner - a lovely reunion. Had a special moment of being told "we haven't seen much of each other in the last years but we ARE family". 'Family' never fails to have great power in its delivery. It's this power which allows generations to be tied together in bonds - bonds of blood, bonds of culture, bonds of respect and bonds of love (with the occasional bonds of guilt;) I feel grateful to have family, in any form, and my heart goes out to those who don't, either willingly or due to unavoidable circumstances.

And so, I feel positive about being where I am at this point in my life and hope that perseverance, dedication and humanity will take me far - but never too far away from myself, my friends, or my family.

My Favourite Paulo Coelho Quotes

“Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.”

“I think that when we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we wind up attracting even more love. If one person really wants us, everyone does. But if we're alone, we become even more alone. Life is strange.”

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

"It's the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary."

"No one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it."

"Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose - and commit myself to - what is best for me."

"The journey towards the top of the mountain is always longer than you think. Don't fool yourself: the moment will come where what seemed to be close to you is in fact still very far away."

"Everything on earth is being continuously transformed, because the earth is alive ... and it has a soul. We are part of that soul, so we rarely recognize that it is working for us."

"There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure."

Her Name Was Lola She Was A Showgirl

Today, I braced the cold and ventured out to Central London. The tube service was, true to its nature, despicable. It makes me wonder how such an advanced nation can be so backward in its public service. Where is the taxpayer's money going?! I'm sure every pissed off commuter was running the same thought in his head. Finally, a third tube arrived and after being packed like sardines in a can with strangers rubbing up against me and breathing in an unimagineable amount of germs, I made it to my destination - Wahaca. That's when things really started looking up, and I actually ended up have a fabulous day like a true Londoner!

Wahaca seems to be a favourite amongst the Brits. While some of us were contemplating ordering three portions each, we were lucky to finish even two. For once in my life, I decided against dessert and I'm sure my thighs will thank me for it as later at Selfridges, I was introduced to - brace yourself - Lola's. Ah, Lola's. My new love. The queen of cupcakes. Frosty, glittering, beautifully sprinkled cupcakes.

Bollywood Fanatic

I watched my first Bollywood film at the young age of eight. It was in Munich, Germany where my sister and I were visiting a family friend. To ease our boredom as impatient kids, she rented out Mard starring Amitabh Bachchan. 18 years on, my passion for Bollywood hasn't faded by even one percent. In fact, as each year passes, I become even more dedicated. Perhaps it's my link to my roots and as each year passes of my living away from them, Bollywood moves closer to me.

Anyone who knows me learns within hours and at times minutes that I am a major Bollywood fan. I read Bollywood news religiously every day, and am in shock when someone tells me a scoop of Bollywood gupshup I haven't heard already, especially if it's about Shahrukh Khan. The mighty SRK is someone I've idolised and been rather obsessed with for longer than I can remember. I've paid ridiculous amounts of money to watch him live thrice in Holland, and each time the same adrenaline rush takes over. I found SRK's performance in My Name Is Khan exceptional - his best work by far.

Non-Bollywood fans who I try my best to convert ask me the same question: Why do you love it so much? The answer my little ignoramus friends is that no film industry can make you FEEL as much as Bollywood does. I accredit my emotions, sensitivity and passion to Bollywood. Indifference is an emotion that eludes Bollywood and my life. Bollywood resurrects family ties, courtship, marriage and since the last five to ten years - being educated, ambitious and worldly.

I've introduced friends from all parts of the world to Bollywood - Dutch, Nigerian, British, Czechen, Iranian - each has warmed up to it, and some admitted to me that they youtubed Bollywood songs in the privacy of their homes. I say mission accomplished!

The Boys of My Generation

I am writing this today based on two facts. One – this is a subjective piece of writing, albeit drawn from actual life experiences. Two – I write it from a non-traditional perspective as I live in the West and views on dating and marriage are quite different in Pakistan, my country of origin. I am divulging this information to you not to be titled a ‘male basher’ or be called a feminist where life begins and ends with women’s rights, but as a silent observer of the boys of my generation – the twenty something boys.

One can understand that twenty something boys in the West are all starters in the big bad world of leaving their parents’ home and supporting themselves. It is therefore also understandable that their quest for independence is stronger than the desire to take a girl out for dinner. In Asian families driving daddy’s expensive car and using his hard earned money to entertain the ladies may have a charm of its own, but I wonder how much credit one can give to these twenty something boys. What I am speaking of here is striking a balance – a balance of independence and treating a girl like a princess, at least in the courtship stage.

Exploiting ‘going Dutch’

I once went for lunch with a male friend. Immediately after I suggested going for lunch, his horrified response was, “you’re not expecting me to pay, right?”. Allow me to make evident the fact that any time we have lunched in the past, we have always gone Dutch (meaning, we pay for our share of the bill). I had in no way implied any expectation of pay, being well aware of how it goes in the West. Knowing how this potential expectation bothered this friend, I responded “I’ll pay for myself of course” and added nonchalantly “I could even treat you”. Note be taken that I’m offering lunch being unemployed while he has a job. Now, let’s fast forward to after lunch. When it’s time to ask for the bill, he tells me, “thank you for lunch”. Ordinarily I would have let this one pass, but him assuming I was paying after making it clear he had no intension or desire to pay for my lunch annoyed me. Almost reading the surprise on my face, he added with a big smile on his face, “you said you were treating”.

Strike one.

Lazy boys will be lazy boys

Another observation I have made, and this is certainly by no means a tag I’d like to put on all boys in their twenty’s – many are just lazy. They lack the ambition and willingness to work hard like their parents did in their youth. They are perfectly content on taking their time to find out ‘who they are’ and ‘what they like’. I would think a year is the maximum amount of time needed for this self discovery. If it spans well into your late twenty’s and early to mid thirty’s, let’s call a spade a spade. Also, with modern relationships becoming increasingly lenient in terms of expectations, and girls working (which I am all for of course, but not to the detriment of our well being), some boys have conveniently taken a back seat, for God knows how long. Let me give you an example. A friend of mine went to university with her now ex-boyfriend. They started off with a similar level of intellect and ambition. As university ended, she went on to work in Hong Kong, Dublin and Amsterdam. He stayed where he was – with romantic ideas about music and saving the world – all living under her roof with her financial support. This went on for a whole year. One day when she needed his help – a mere lift from one location to another as she was carrying heavy bags – he asked her to refund him a pathetic amount of ‘gas money’.

Strike two.

Immediate gratification in exchange for courtship

As a modern girl in my twenty’s I have lived the majority of my life in the West. I therefore understand that dating and relationships can be quite different in terms of expectations in this part of the world. Yet, year after year of having watched my friends, classmates and colleagues go through an incredibly short and to the point of non-existent ‘courtship’, I have reached some dismal conclusions (yet, these conclusions are not static and I hope that one day someone will prove me wrong). The conclusions I speak of are these: There is minimum effort from the boy’s side into asking a girl out on a date and eventually living a married life together. I have found these boys to want their cake and eat it too – might I add with a cherry on top. In other words, they’re getting the whole package and investing close to nothing to get it. One night in a bar or a party at a friend’s place will be enough for the couple to meet and decide they like each other, followed immmediately by living together and world travel. To each his own, but I personally like a traditional courtship where a girl is persued for a long time, exclusively. I’m not referring to playing the field, but to the boy waiting patiently for the girl’s yes. Many dates must follow after this, long phone calls, smses, letters (although I wonder if anyone in their twenty’s writes letters nowadays) and at some point meeting of the parents. This does not mean one must get married to this person under all circumstances, but the intent of marriage should be there. And that is exactly what I cannot digest the Western way of dating and relationships. What kills me is that very often marriage is not even an option. Babies may follow, joint back accounts may follow, but marriage is off the table. I once visited a couple’s home to congratulate them on their first child after five years of being together. With a look of surprise on their faces when asked about getting married, they answered, “we really haven’t thought about it”. I have asked many young people this in the West, and sadly their views on marriage are unanamous – “it’s just a piece of paper”. Perhaps high divorce rates have made them pessimistic towards the idea of marriage. The other side to this is that many girls in fact accept the status quo. I know several girls who have live-in relationships, joint bank accounts with their partners, some have children, but remain unmarried . One hears every now and then that a girl walks out such a relationship for precisely this reason, but most do not out of fear of being alone, fear of giving up a big emotional investment, or perhaps some feel the same way about marriage, which is an even sadder realisation.

Celebrity relationships

I sometimes wonder if we are influenced by our idols. For instance, let me share some Hollywood examples with you. I recently read this in The Daily Mail: “Mark Wahlberg finally ties the knot after eight years and three children in intimate ceremony”. I deduce from this that women want the traditional “I do’s” as one never hears of a women saying no to a proposal, but in fact it is men who are in no rush to walk down the aisle. Similarly, Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis have been in a ‘committed’ relationship since over ten years with two children between them. Rumours of a wedding have been floating in the press for years. Even in Bollywood, long term relationships are quite common. How many beautiful girls has one seen running into and then running out of the arms of Salman Khan? He remains unmarried. Likewise, John Abraham and Bipasha Basu were among the first to admit living together. After eight years of being together, they continue to do so – unmarried.

Are girls to blame?

Observing all this around me, I wonder if we as girls have taken emancipation to a new level. I have heard this response from girls very often on a glorious occasion when a guy has offered to pay the tab – “I felt guilty accepting”. Is this something our parents have enstilled in us or have we been programmed by society to ‘go Dutch’. Yet I don’t think any girl ever agreed to have a non-committal, miserly bum in exchange for her independence. Perhaps girls are increasingly becoming career focused and this has given boys the convenient idea that we are unconventional and not looking for a steady relationship. In the West it is absurdly easy to switch from partner to partner, and so girls dig their nails into a non-committal realtionship even deeper. Finally and in all fairness, I feel we as twenty something girls are getting more rebellious and unwilling to listen to parental advice and better judgement.

Let’s face it. We want it all. We want our careers and independence, but we also enjoy being pampered and taken out for dinner and a movie. We want someone who’ll stand with us in our journey through life, not opressing us or feeding off of us or making us feel guilty for reaching new heights. As for myself, I doubt if this Pakistani girl will ever get her head around relationships in the West, where everything works backwards – Intimacy first. Courtship later. Flatmates first. Committment later. Holidays first. Joint bank account later. Babies first. Marriage later. It’s a world gone mad.

Workin 9 to 5

Workin' 9 to 5, what a way to make a livin baby! Dolly Parton wasn't kidding. As of next week Monday, I'll be working at my dream magazine - Asiana. Asiana's every British Asian's fashion bible. It proudly embodies desi bridalwear and gorgeous fashion, wedding venues, make-up artists, bollywood gupshup - the works! After an editorial work placement at the magazine I will be now be working in their sales team - an opportunity which will give a complete Asiana experience - kind of like going to a beauty parlour for a manicure and leaving with a facial as well.

I'm also working on a very interesting feature as a freelance writer. My subject is fascinating and can't wait to see the final published version! Nothing drives me more than writing. I suppose writing is in my blood. My mother graduated in Journalism as well, and writes until today. Though I invested four years in a Business degree, I can't for the life of me be bothered with profit and loss or any other figures for that matter. I mean why should I kill my creativity in mundane processes which will make a giant of a multinational reep ridiculous amounts of profit while I complain about being just a number? I pondered over this and struggled with the idea for an entire year until I eventually packed my bags and took off to London.

And so here I am, not regretting my decision for a single moment. The only thing I can't find here but desperately miss are my nieces who I long to see every day, and of course my lovely friends but the latter are London fans and now have a holiday destination.

Life has unfolded suprisingly. It is a now a completely different canvas than I envisioned for myself at 26, but I'm reminded of wise words: everything happens for a reason. I believe strongly that one cannot escape one's fate, no matter how hard we try to fight it. If my fate was to move to London and finally hear my calling, I accept it happily.

To Be Or Not To Be

I live in society that is universal in it's obsession with status and wealth. It's a time when recession has forced education to lose its value. I find that today, class is an undervalued quality and modesty does not exist. A pin-sized minority are honest and genuine, but the dominanting money and attention-hungry majority don't allow the former to co-exist as equals.

In the last few years, I toyed with the idea of experimenting with society and found the outcome almost laughable. Any time I reached out to people for help or gave them the feeling of being needed, they recoiled and were too busy to do anything humane. The moment I was on top of the world - workwise in particular -they sought me out with unimagineable determination. I learned with time and other dips which eventually followed that the trend continued. Such is the superficial and disappointing society that leads me feeling conflicted. Luckily, a few dear friends happily hung on through the traumatic dips while the rest unknowingly drained through the sieve.

As a result, twenty six years of life lessons have taught me to make better judgements and classify people into boxes. A flatmate is strictly a flatmate and does not become my 'friend', and a colleague will forever remain a colleague. While all this sounds great in theory, I have to admit that my emotions get the better of me almost every time.

London Bridge Is Falling Down

London. Home to one of the world's most famous nursery rhymes. Two weeks ago, I joined the masses and aboarded a flight to Heathrow. Two weeks on, I can safely say that I am an official Londoner. I have advantage cards at Boots and Tesco, a British bank account, a topped up Oyster, an Asian cash and carry across my house and last but not least, a melodious skip in my voice. After all, it would be rude not to sound perpetually jovial. The other option would be to present myself as the brilliantly cynical, international up and coming writer. I'll opt for the latter once I'm on everybody's computer screen, book shelf and coffee table.