5 days and counting

Five days have already passed since I landed at Jinnah International Airport in Karachi. I feel very much at home though equally out of place. I'm fairly certain that had I not spent the first twelve years of my life here, I wouldn't know what to make of myself and my environment.

In the midst of preparations for a family wedding, I find myself noticing what the value of marriage is in Pakistani society. The sheer amount of money that is spent on clothes a girl will most probably only wear once, jewelery requiring life savings (which by the way is considered an investment though I wonder how it's an investment when no one will willingly trade in their family jewels for cash unless it's a life or death situation), and finally - dowry, makes the mind boggle. I'm confident that if and when I get married, the only extras I'm taking to my in-laws are myself, my sense of humor and my no-nonsense attitude. Of course this worries me about the fact that any matrimonial prospects may have a big "if" attached to them as I don't fit the "traditional-good-Muslim-girl-who-doesn't-ask-questions" image. On the plus side, it's a time of joy and celebration. There's always something to talk about - the venues, the tailoring, the dyers, the material, the shoes, the food, the guest list - who made the cut and who didn't. This is how it goes: whoever hasn't asked about you over the years but still demands the rights of family are to be strictly and deliberately excluded. They are not to be told of the wedding. If they find out from a third party and feel the sting of this exclusion and "disrespect", even better! Second, the makeup artist is crucial! THERE IS NO WEDDING without a makeup artist who's famous in the city and charges unimaginable amounts of money. After all, how can a bride keep face when mentioning an unknown makeup artist and designer if a guest asks her - which they will and then they'll compare notes.

What I AM loving and wish there was more of in the West is hospitality and generosity. This isn't to say that generosity is second nature to all Pakistanis, but it's certainly an intrinsic part of most locals' upbringing. People insist on paying the bill in Pakistan. Abroad, you argue over who owes one cent less.

I can honestly say that I'm not missing London or Holland too much which means I'm having a good time here and being entertained well. The only time I want to teleport myself is on a Friday or Saturday night when I KNOW I'd be up to slightly more than watching old Bollywood films on TV and lying awake in bed, restless, till 5am;)

Return to Motherland

It's been two years since I last visited Karachi, Pakistan - the city of my childhood. A lot is unchanged, from the poorly constructed roads and smartly dressed transvestites or "hijras" to the West-inspired malls and vividly apparent divide in classes. Conversation revolves around food, beauty salons and politics. As someone who considers herself as much a Pakistani as one who's never left the country, I am factually an outsider and view my people and country from a distance. I feel this allows me to understand the nuances and body language that the locals are oblivious to.

What I want to see and hear more of is ambition, stories of travel, voices of independent women fighting the norm and less judgment. Judgment is sadly second nature to Pakistanis and while I have a natural instinct to be judgmental of others at times I consciously force myself to fight the urge. Daily common judgmental comments include words like "dark", "fat" and "cheap". I personally feel that if someone wants to be a black chunky slut that's completely her choice and poo on anyone who judges her. The only time I would judge this black chunky slut is if she had nasty intentions, in which case I would prefer to smack her than to judge her.

Lessons 2010

After last year's appreciation for "Naveen's lessons learned in 2009" on Facebook, I have decided to share my lessons every year - the painful, the embarassing, the mundane, the wise and the frustrating!

1. Always, always read every single word of a contract. This is one boring activity you don't want to rush.

2. Stop planning every moment of your life. Let life happen and allow things to flow naturally.

3. When things don't move, move yourself. I struggled to find a stable job for a whole year before packing my bags and moving to London. A month later I had a job!

4. Trust no one. This is especially crucial in the workplace. There's always someone afraid you're after their job and will do their best to sabotage your reputation and credibility. Keep moving forward and work hard. Hard work speaks for itself.

5. Connections are everything, but sometimes they're not enough. This highlights my previous point. You may have the connections but they won't sustain you. YOU will sustain you.

6. Boys will be boys. It doesn't matter if they're your friend's brother. It doesn't matter if they've been a trusted friend for years. Don't let history and associations fool you. Boys will be boys, and boys will always think with their d****.

7. Safeguard yourself. Surround yourself with positive, fun people. Be financially independent. Dress warmly. Take your vitamins.

8. Family bonds must be strong. Nothing else matters for very long when they're not.

9. Parents get old. You suddenly find yourself in a situation where even your parents can't help you and you instantly become an adult. Finally!

10. Every now and then, friendships can be platonic. Who'd have thought?!

AAMIR KHAN

Oh today was exciting! I shared an auditorium with legendary Indian actor, Aamir Khan. He impressed me as much in person as he did with his movies. His well thought out words, stress on the word "feel" and humble presence really spoke to me. When BBC Asian Network hosts Raj and Pablo introduced him, he emerged before the audience like a shy boy, smiling coyly. I do heart him! Times like these make me feel very grateful to be part of a magazine giant in London. In the past six months I have had the luxury of meeting or sharing space with celebrities like Raj & Pablo, Tommy Sandhu, Gok Wan, Anjum Anand, Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh, Cheryl Cole and now, Aamir Khan. I feel I'm finally getting close to my idol, SRK!

Migraines, Ramadan and Mr. Khan

Work life has finally caught up with me. I have headaches day after day. I'm told it's due to stress. I beg to differ.

I also have a confession - Ramadan is almost over and I have not kept a single fast. This may be the first time since I turned 12 when I have totally and completely neglected my Muslim duties. I can't help but feel a pang of guilt every day but it still doesn't stop me from reaching for that bag of crisps yelling out my name.

Meanwhile, my housemates are losing it. One has developed an opera version to my "koochi koo" and the other finds it totally reasonable to dish out ridiculous amount of dosh on rent just to avoid a bit of travelling which by the way EVERY Londoner does as part of their "I'm a true Londoner" spiel.

On a more exciting note, next week I shall be meeting (or rather I've been promised this) Oscar nominated star, the one and only, Aamir Khan. He's no Shahrukh Khan but certainly next in line for me. I've often day dreamt about him as he serenaded gorgeous Indian beauties before my envious eyes.

Time for bed!

I Intend Therefore I Do

Intension is but one word with a lot of meaning.

There's nothing I loathe more than people with bad intensions. I don't care if you walk around with a prayer mat in your hands or avoid bars because you don't drink as part of your "I'm such a pure Muslim" joke - if your intensions are nasty, you are scum.

It makes me wonder what makes someone geared towards good intension, and why the rest of us are so tempted by bad intension and jeapordising others. The latter use insecurity and jealousy as their guiding force and intend to harm anyone that comes in their way.

To be cont

Move faster - please!

Almost five months on, I'm a broken-in Londoner. I move like the speed of lighting (even on weekends), I curse, I crave Friday night drinks, my sentences end with questions that require agreement {"It's hot today, isn't it?"}, I'm in love with muffins and my day isn't complete without a hot cuppa Starbucks in my hands while rushing like mad woman to work.

Work has been manic and I've learnt that sales may be the hardest job in the world. It is VERY difficult to convince people to give you their money in a recession. I have also learnt that relationships in sales are quite similar to relationships between you and I. You put your best foot forward, make an offer for proposal and wait for a response. There are three kinds of responses- One: "I do". Two: I'll say I do but I won't mean it and I shall terminate any false hope I built up for a relationship". Three: "Not a chance".

Chance is a small word with lots of meaning like luck, love, the oh-so-powerful hate and fear. This week has been about chances. I had the chance to get VIP seats at X-Factor. I took it and ended up sitting a mere three rows away from Simon Cowell. Then, I had the chance to go to a Bollywood party. I took it and ended up meeting two BBC adored radio tycoons. Not a bad week by far.

Far. Holland's far isn't it? Well not really, but sometimes the distance between two countries only helps in terms of flight ticket expenditure. Distance is distance and I must admit, any time I get a moment away from the madness of London, I feel very, very, very homesick and wonder what the hell I'm doing here away from family and friends.

Friends and lovers are next on the menu. Between getting a job, finding a decent place to live and moving out to a better place closer to work, I haven't had much of a chance to invest in new friendships and dare I say, relationships. It may be time to rechannel my attention!

Two weeks of non-stop early mornings

I was wondering what it would be like to have a scheduled life again. I can stop wondering now. Feel very much sleep deprived, but alive. Feeling productive and strong. Feel positive. Feel like myself again. Ups and downs are as intrinsic to my life as they were last year, but at least I feel more equipped to deal with them now. Challenges and speed bumps? Bring it on!

One Month Old

I'm less than an hour away from turning one. Ok, not me per say, but Naveen in London. This one month has been a very interesting chapter in my life. 2010 started off with a bang - literally - as I huddled together with friends under amazing crackling fireworks to celebrate the end of 2009. The song "it was a very good year" would NOT apply to 2009. Note to all: 2009 was the year of learning lessons and finding myself again.

Last week was very interesting from a work point of view. For perhaps the first time in my life, I was at the right place at the right time. I may become a permanent feature at Asiana (Inshallah and keeping fingers crossed!). I've certainly worked very hard to be here and earned it. I can only hope that fate will stay on my side.

After going back and forth the tubes of London today, I met up with family for dinner - a lovely reunion. Had a special moment of being told "we haven't seen much of each other in the last years but we ARE family". 'Family' never fails to have great power in its delivery. It's this power which allows generations to be tied together in bonds - bonds of blood, bonds of culture, bonds of respect and bonds of love (with the occasional bonds of guilt;) I feel grateful to have family, in any form, and my heart goes out to those who don't, either willingly or due to unavoidable circumstances.

And so, I feel positive about being where I am at this point in my life and hope that perseverance, dedication and humanity will take me far - but never too far away from myself, my friends, or my family.

My Favourite Paulo Coelho Quotes

“Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.”

“I think that when we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we wind up attracting even more love. If one person really wants us, everyone does. But if we're alone, we become even more alone. Life is strange.”

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

"It's the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary."

"No one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it."

"Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose - and commit myself to - what is best for me."

"The journey towards the top of the mountain is always longer than you think. Don't fool yourself: the moment will come where what seemed to be close to you is in fact still very far away."

"Everything on earth is being continuously transformed, because the earth is alive ... and it has a soul. We are part of that soul, so we rarely recognize that it is working for us."

"There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure."