Lessons 2012

Another year's almost gone by since I shared one of these blogs. But I figured since we can never be too old or wise to know it all (unless you're a candidate on The Apprentice), it's time to share my lessons learned in 2012.

1. You’re closer to your religion than you think you are. Even if you were just born into it, when an anti-whatever-your-religion-is shares racial views about it with you, insulting and disrespecting what’s an inherent part of you, trust me, you’ll stand up for that very religion and put the f***ing racist in their place.
2. No one wants to hear you comment on their life. You may have shared your opinion with only the best of intentions but if you value maintaining relationships (personal and professional), keep your mouth shut. 
3. Only family is family. We often use the description ‘we’re like family’ in vain. Sooner or later a situation will present itself where it will become painfully clear that you are not family. There’s nothing wrong with that either. Just don’t distort the very fine line.
4. Never underestimate the power of communication. You’ll be amazed what honest communication can do. How often have you really had the reaction you expected? If something’s bothering you, talk it out, get over it and move on. Immaturity and pettiness make us very unattractive.
5. Give it time. Things have a way of working themselves out. Phew!
6. Travel. Scheduling in a trip with the girls every year is the one thing I’ll happily plan for months in advance.
7. Befriend the gym. Feeling fitter will give you that extra bounce in your step all day long! Plus, kicking the shit out of a punching bag can't hurt anyone;)
8. Don’t be afraid to be single. You can use it to your advantage and have the best time of your life. It’ll allow you to concentrate on yourself and start loving your own company. As a famous Bollywood movie line says, "mein apni favourite houn" i.e. I am my favourite
9. Get smart. As long as women have tongues they will talk. Be particularly aware of the ones who claim they don’t indulge in idle bitching. They move slowly and quietly, but they are the most insecure and cannot handle your glow. As a wise friend told me, “stay happy - a smile on your face will burn them the most”.
10. Do your best. It's the only thing that's in your control. 

As I approach 29 (yikes!), I’m acutely aware of the changes I find within myself since I entered my 20’s. After you read this, think about your own evolution. This is me.

• My behaviour is not the same – I’m not a prissy girl anymore. I can hang with the boys!
• My language is not the same – I now swear.
• My dreams are not the same. I live in the real world.
• My plans are not the same. I stay clear of diaries and don’t fear the unknown.
• My lifestyle has evolved. I’m a hurried Londoner now.
• My intolerance to certain human behaviour has changed. I refuse to play along with pettiness, immaturity and cowardness.
• My beliefs remain the same. They’re going in the grave with me.
• My family values remain. No one messes with my blood

The Big A

“Sorry I was so busy”

“I was JUST about to call you”

“I never got the message. You sure your phone’s working?”

“I forgot my phone at work”

“I didn’t realise it was on silent”

“I don’t check my emails during the week”

 "But I have been in touch. I liked your picture on FB”

We are ALL guilty of having said one or a combination of the above at some point or the other. We can also not pretend that we have been told these white lies by someone we fancy or even worse – someone we’re close to. So why do we do it?

I’m going to sum up my take on this in one word – Accountability.

The urgency with which we respond to someone is in equal proportion to how accountable we feel towards them. Are we close enough and therefore accountable enough towards each other to put together a one-word text, one-sentence email or make thirty-second call? 

Are we really that oblivious to others’ emotions and expectations? 

Are we so self-involved that we can’t make time for each other? 

Or are we really that petty that we feel the need to play games?

The simplest way to resolve any of these unanswered questions is to increase our level of accountability towards people, not just when we have to (as in the case of juniors to managers and tenants to landlords), but because it's the decent thing to do - the adult thing to do. 

But then again, would this make us appear less interesting, kill the spark, and raise our expectations ever further? 

10 Things I Love/Hate About Karachi

10 things I love about Karachi

1. The food. Oh the food. Best food in the world!

2. The people's love and affection.

3. The hustle and bustle - the city never sleeps and makes me feel alive.

4. The warmth. It's good to give my body and muscles a break from tensing in Holland/London's chill.

5. The immediacy of labour. A shoe needs mending? Done. A pipe's burst and needs replacing? Done. The TV's conked out and needs fixing? Done. All within hours and no appointments needed. Oh, and I'm still richer than the guy fixing my stuff. It's just not fair that the dude with unwashed hair, minimal education and a hairy asscrack earns more than I do.

6. Karachi has a culture of giving and sharing. Just as well. Sharing that rich chocolate cake with chocolate mousse on top and a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side amongst 5 last night was a fair distribution of fat I'd say.

7. The help. Anybody lower middle class and above can afford a driver, a cleaner, a cook, a gardener, a security guard, a nanny etc.

8. Air conditioning. Ah the cooling amazingness of walking into an air conditioned room after being in 40-degree heat.

9. Discovering new restaurants. Every time I visit there are a handful of brand new restaurants serving ridiculously priced heavenly cuisine and desserts.

10. VCD's - DVD's at special rates;)

10 things I dislike (I try to avoid using the word 'hate')

1. Food poisoning and an upset stomach on every single trip.

2. The people's mentality when it comes to different rules for men and women.

3. The constant honking of cars. A car cannot move any further at a red light no matter how many times you honk, IDIOT.

4. The heat. I'd like to not melt away and sweat like a pig while drying myself off after a shower please.

5. I can't be myself 100%. Nodding 'ji' (yes) constantly as a sign of respect is very exhausting. I can't swear. I can't be silly. I can't share complete details of my choices because of the hypocritical and judgemental culture that surrounds me.

6. Guests can show up at any time and stay as long as they please. Enough said.

7. Religious lectures by aunties and uncles. The other day I actually heard 'If a man's not Muslim he's nothing'. This notion pretty much disqualifies 90% of my friends and .. closer friends;)

8. The obsession with brands and clothes. Lets talk about our jobs, ambitions and travels shall we?

9. Limited independence. I can't just hop onto a bus and take off. I can't refuse a dinner invitation from a family member's colleague's wife's sister without insulting them beyond repair.

10. I dislike that I'm not attracted to my own kind though some are in fact tall, handsome, successful, family oriented, fun etc. Maybe one day?

Karachi - Home before Home

It's great to be visiting my home before home once again. Imagine this - dry heat, constant noise of honking buses, the familiar music of an ice cream truck (it's been the same since 20 years), policemen pulling over and fining helpless motorists to fulfil their own greed, handicapped beggers, impressive shopping malls and restaurants replicating the West, an uncessary public investment called Port Fountain off Karachi Harbour and an unexplainable obsession with high-end clothes. As an Englishman recently described Karachi, it was the only city he'd been to that made NO SENSE.

For example, just a few days before I landed there was a politically inspired strike in the city which typically means burning buses, some dealths (I deliberately write 'some' as numbers are insignificant unless of course these casualties occur in the United States), political unrest and the city shutting down. Luckily I arrived in the calm after the storm. It was as if nothing ever happened. As they say, life goes on. My trip in November 2010 has made me slighly paranoid but then again, a bomb blast tends to shake up the best of us.

On a brighter note, it's such a refreshing and much needed break in a country where people 'care'. The level of interest people have shown in my job, my living arrangements, my parents, my sister's kids, my health - it's SO nice. And I'm taken aback by the collectivism of it all. When you visit someone in Paksitan, the entire family will walk you to the door to say goodbye, from the elders to the servants. You will never be left stranded. There is always someone who will pick/drop you. An hour is never too long to travel. It's not even considered an effort. In London God forbid if you're not living in the same zone you can forget about having a social life. Any excuse is valid from congestion charges to high petrol costs and tube strikes. People will sooner advise you to 'move' so that they can see you than get on a bloody tube and hawl their ass to you. Ok getting sidetracked - this will be a whole other blog.

Karachi reflections TBC. Back to the tea which was served to me and the delicious sandwich that was made from me. I'm not spoiled here, really;)

Sher-O-Shayari

Jab jab dard ka badal chaya
Jab gham ka saya lehraya
Jab aansu palkon takh aaya
Jab ye tanha dil ghabraya
Hum ne dil ko yeh samhjaya
Dil aakahir tu kyun rota hai
Dunya mein yun hi hota hai
Yeh jo gehre sanate hain
Waqt ne sab ko hi bate hain
Thora gham hai sab ka paisa
Thori doop hai sab ka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi namh hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

New casa

Finally - some time to blog!

I made the exciting flat move last weekend. My flatmate and I are settling in slowly but surely. I absolutely love the flat. The only thing lacking is the area. Our only form of entertainment is Tesco and a car wash. If only life were that simple. And, I have no choice but to take dreaded tubes after avoiding them for a year. There's nothing worse than London's transport system. Still, I am totally loving having my very own bathroom and shower - a luxury in London.

I've started a new job in the meantime which keeps me on my toes. Love the challenges it brings and the professionalism I've longed for. I push everyone who is unhappy in a job and feels underappreciated to leave immediately if not sooner. BUT, make sure to get the right amount of experience (you'll know what that is in your profession) before writing that oh-so-satisfying resignation letter. Also, never ever underestimate a manager's support. If you have it, you'll find yourself working twice as hard and ten times more motivated. As I've said before, hurray for awesome managers!

And so another week continues. And who knows, maybe the boiler promised by the lettings agency will finally show up.

Facebook Myths

Here it is people - your quick guide to avoid being caught up in Facebook insanity.

1. Facebook Purging

When people announce that they're deleting friends from their Facebook, you panic slightly. You secretly hope you've made the cut. And then you decide to do the same. Who needs 400 friends they haven't seen or spoken to in five years?! Point is: Chill. If someone deletes you, you wouldn't have even noticed if they hadn't announced it.

2. Number of Friends

The greater the number, the fewer the "real" friends you really have. No one has 1200 close friends. Chances are you went to a party, got spotted (or perved on someone), received a friend invite (or desperately added them in the hope of seeing them again) and tada! You're popular!

3. Facebook Flirtation

This is something you all need to keep in mind the next time you go ballistic seeing your boyfriend/girlfriend publicly commenting sweet nothings on someone's picture or status. If it's public, it's innocent. More often than not there is NOTHING to it. It's the off-Facebook shit you need to worry about because there's no way anyone's stupid enough to leave traces of that (except for the odd dumb idiot). Also more often than not, Facebook flirtation is intentional to get a reaction out of you.

4. Number of Albums = Social Life Calculator

Once again, if your social life were really that active, you wouldn't have time to upload the gazillion pictures that you dressed up for and posed your way through for pure self-indulgence.

5. Facebook is Addictive.

It ain't. You have an addictive personality!

Change

This phase of my life is all about CHANGE.

Started a new job. Loving the honeymoon phase. My brain feels alive again, taking on new challenges, meeting new faces and learning new names.

Within three weeks I'll have moved into another flat as well. Look forward to moving in with my ex-flatmate - a great cook with an explosive wit to match.

On a darker note, I have lost 4 family members in the last six months. An entire generation seems to have been wiped out due to illness and old age. Very sad and a harsh reminder of the rules of life.

Another close friend left the country without saying bye. Well, he tried but we were too busy being stubborn and having a tiff to have a decent goodbye. We have now made up thanks to Facebook.

Going forward, I'm excited about new possibilities, meeting good people and perhaps even returning to the world of gyms and fitness!

Catch 22

I have been meaning to make a serious point of something ever since I decided to leave behind a career in Sales (one that I fell into but mastered) and move onto something more challenging and creative. Something the writer in me has been craving.

UNPAID JOBS.

When did it become perfectly acceptable to exploit talent, hard work and enthusiasm? The label child labour ferociously comes to mind when I think of millions of job seekers in the market being reduced to taking on belittling roles lacking respect, fairness and downright human decency.

For example, certain professions such as Public Relations REFUSE to pay a penny to anyone making a career change, irrespective of hard earned skills being brought to the table, irrespective of academic qualifications that qualify them in the highly educated tier of their generation, and certainly irrespective of the fact that employers KNOW the candidate can turn around their business. I have no doubt that every successful person can spot a winner a mile away.

There need to be some drastic changes in the mindset of employers. If candidates are not students, they should not qualify as interns working in unpaid jobs. Roles must be created for them if there is clear potential. The same goes for pay rises. Companies are NOT benefitting from losing highly qualified employees to their competitors. The job market is NOT benefitting from unemployment being on the rise as a result of job hopping and dry transitional periods. Candidates are not pursuing their passion and settling for jobs that pay the bills but don't feed their minds or hearts. What’s even worse is that professionals are devaluing education. Having a Masters degree is almost worthless nowadays. A Bachelors degree will often suffice. Many jobs don’t even require this. This makes me very, very sad and extremely annoyed. The determined, opinionated Scorpio in me is NOT impressed.

While I am rational enough to understand the whole barter system of securing a spot in a company for free while learning and absorbing like a sponge (a poor sponge might I add), the ease and disregard for candidates bothers me. I see interns every day carrying things twice their size, doing tedious and repetitive tasks, running errands like their life depends on it while smiling the whole time in the desperate hope of being noticed and appreciated. I was this intern once and refuse to be it again. I also make it a point to treat every intern with respect, kindness and encouragement, for this will shape their attitude towards the next employer and influence their treatment of interns in the future.

But, what it boils down it is that the market is tough, and may always be. Sometimes you have to start at the bottom and work your way up and other times, you might just have to do that a second time. OR you can sell your soul to the next employer who talks money and promises to offer you your worth.